ransom
I’m started to get worried. Actually worried. Really.
At first I was the kind of worried that you get when you purchase a new microwave and are unsure of its heating capacity. So you decide baked beans would make for a good test run and set the time to oh, I don’t know, four minutes forty three seconds because you think four minutes fifty seconds would just be overkill. But now I’m the kind of worried that makes you wake up every five minutes for a full hour before your alarm is set to go off.
Kyle† is missing. Gone.
†(Kyle is my roommate and best friend. Best friend seems a bit drab insofar as there should be a special word or phrase for “best friend.” Obviously BFF is out of the question. Another friend that was not Kyle and therefore not my best friend referred to her best friends as “besties,” I like that. However, I’m not quite sure I could pull it off so I’m forced to continue to call him my best friend even if it just doesn’t have the proper amount of attitude/joy permeating through its essence.)
Now after telling you all that he’s my best friend, and I feel horrible for saying this, but I’m not sure how long he’s been gone for. I’m pretty sure I saw him just the other day. Then again days could easily mean weeks and weeks months or decades or eons – I just cannot be sure. One may call me a horrible person for forgetting how long your bestie (Yup, I was right…that will be the first and last time I use ‘bestie.’ It had such promise, dang.) has been missing. But when your friend is gone its tough to keep track of it – it’s not like a bowel movement’s departure which is impossible not to keep track of. No, this is different and I just can’t be sure if I saw him Tuesday or last Tuesday or the Tuesday before the last Tuesday before that. At least I’m genuinely worried, right?
And now his notes assuring my of his safety have ceased to arrive (his last note being the best, of course) and I have begun to question whether prior notes were even genuine. Or, were they just elaborate hoaxes created by his kidnappers to make his loving friend unaware and docile to the fact he was being imprisoned against his will only to be heinously slaughtered, his kidneys sold on the black market but his liver discarded after they discover how much fun we’ve had.
So now he’s gone (or in Washington DC for a few days) and I am left in solitude (or left to hang out with some other besties).
Album is out September 22nd on True Panther.
